Gunna put this out there for anyone thinking they understand Borderline Personality Disorder, because, y’know, a lot of you don’t.
I’d like to nip this in the bud before I continue, please; we are not psycho’s – psychopaths or a psychopathic person have very little or no emotion at all – whereas a person with Borderline Personality Disorder feels too much emotion.
Metaphorically speaking, being a ‘borderline’ is the equivalent of having third degree burns all over our bodies.
We feel everything so intensely; every single damn emotion. For example…
– If I love you, I will love you until I can’t love anymore
– If I hate you, I loathe you and wish you nothing but a miserable life
– If I’m angry, I will fly in to a fit of rage and I will destroy anything in my path
– If I’m happy, I’m ecstatic
– If I’m sad, *insert anything here*
Us Borderlines are “black and white” thinking, which means we don’t see grey areas, so a casual “maybe”, “not sure”, “I’ll let you know” from you will send us in to a state of panic.
We like FACTS.
So, here are the 9 ‘criteria’ it takes to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
1. FEAR OF ABANDONMENT
We don’t want you to leave so we push you away first, creating the one thing we’re petrified of. Makes sense.
Being able to shut off all feelings for someone or something in the click of a finger or seeing them as either good or bad. Opposite ends of the spectrum, no middle ground and nobody can tell me otherwise.
A blessing and a curse. Typically means you hate everybody and allow very few people in your life.
3. DANGEROUS AND RISKY BEHAVIOUR
Wreckless driving, substance and alcohol abuse, risky sex, being provocative and sometimes promiscuous.
No fear of anything that will lead to severe consequences.
Overspending, oversharing of emotions, quitting a job suddenly, joining and quitting lots of groups, jumping to conclusions, constantly “starting fresh”, binge eating or drinking, starvation, confrontations, the list goes on.
5. SELF HARM
Anything from the obvious, to bingeing, starving, tattoos, piercings, drinking, substance abuse.
6. EXPLOSIVE ANGER
What it says on the tin. Followed by shame and guilt.
7. EXTREME EMOTIONAL MOOD SWINGS
Again, what it says on the tin. And again, we don’t enjoy it and hate ourselves thoroughly afterwards.
8. CHRONIC FEELINGS OF EMPTINESS
Needing to fill a constant void, which is pretty much boredom. Leads to impulsivity, risky behavior or shifting of self image.
9. UNCLEAR OR SHIFTING OF SELF IMAGE
We blend in with everybody; we are who we want you us to be which is why we have so much empathy for others.
We’re chameleons, we have multiple personalities.
There is a stigma and this is the most crippling disorder to have to live with and, if you didn’t already know.. ‘Borderlines’ are often attracted to narcissistic people because we’re exactly what the other one craves in a relationship – narcissists love to be loved and we love to love.
We fear abandonment and so does the narcissist – a toxic cycle which keeps feeding the mental illness over and over.
There is no cure, no medication.
But, for all of the bad traits, there are some good ones that we all seem to have in common.
– We love hard
– We’re creative
– We’re funny
– We’re passionate
– We have the ability to sense things that others don’t
– We’re good at everything we put our minds to
– We’ll almost certainly be the only person you’ll ever meet to be the way we are
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
The Unicorn in Black