I’m Not Even Sorry That You ‘Miss’ Your Daughter

Here we go again.

It’s 09:26 and I’m sat here once again with a coffee in hand, admiring my daughter playing with her toys, fighting back the tears, wondering what my child did so badly to deserve to be put second by her shit father.

He was supposed to be here at 08:00.

After two weeks working away and missing his daughter, he couldn’t make it last night because he was stuck at the barbers; a fucking barbers.

No awful road accident, nobody had died, he hadn’t lost a limb and he was still very much alive.

These should be the only things stopping a parent from seeing their child, the only things. 

I did my usual and offered him a time slot for this morning; I compromised, because that’s what co-parenting is about, right?

So, yeah, he’s not turned up at the agreed time.


Because he’s in bed after going on a drink and drugs binge last night, so he’s not fit to even care for my child.

This isn’t the first time it’s happened, but it’s the last; I’ll make damn sure of that.

Nearly two years of inconsistency and excuses – how long am I supposed to wait for someone to change? If they don’t want to change for their child, who will they change for?

I’d have agreed to a later time, but he’s in a hurry to visit his new girlfriend at 12pm and she’s a 5 hour drive away – now tell me, who comes first?

Call me a bitch, selfish, whatever – I’m out of fucks now.

Why are people so quick to call a mother names for stopping contact between a father and their child?

“Don’t stop contact, she’ll find out for herself when she’s older.”

I would usually apologise but I’m past giving a shit a fuck and a bollock – why the fuck do I want to give my daughter a childhood that she has to recover from?

Why should I place her in to the firing line of an emotionally abusive, lying, manipulative and drug abusing, lousy excuse for a human being?

She won’t thank me when she’s on medication or in therapy, when she goes through endless toxic relationships because she thinks this behaviour is normal.

Why would any parent allow this?!

In actual fact, I’m a bad parent for allowing contact if anything.

Children aside, do you have any idea how much damage this also does to the mother? The person actually taking full responsibility of the child takes an emotional beating too, because all she wants to do is protect their child from hurt, pain or sufferance and she has to constantly pick up the pieces all the time.

How can a mother be happy if her children are hurting?

It’s a mother’s instinct to prevent unnecessary injury to their child; physically and emotionally.

You wouldn’t allow another child to bully your child and you wouldn’t encourage them to be in their life, that’s for sure; so why is this different?

In fact, it’s worse. 

It’s worse because a parent is supposed to be a role model; they’re the people who set examples for how we’re supposed to be treated – how can we do that if our own parents have no respect for us?

Do I wait until she’s old enough to understand or do I shield her from years of disappointment, lies, hurt and wondering why she’s not good enough?

You’ve already answered that yourself.

No child should ever feel like they’re not worth it and I’ll fight until my last breath if it means them never having to feel like they’re not good enough.

Today was the day I fell to pieces in front of my child and I will never forgive you.

This picture was taken whilst writing this.

F: The Unicorn in Black

I: @theunicorninblack

E: theunicorninblack@yahoo.com

2 thoughts on “I’m Not Even Sorry That You ‘Miss’ Your Daughter

  1. Michelle says:

    Thank you for putting so eloquently the exact reasons and thought proc Sara I had before refusing contact between my children and their father. The damage control I had to do and the toll it had taken on me is unbelievable our daughter is 7 and has spent the majority of this year on weekly Counselling sessions at school to help her deal with her anger and upset. Unfortunately being older she understood a lot more, mores the pity bit we r ploughing through and reading this was comforting to know that someone else is of the same
    Opinion around not letting the emotional damage from such a vital role model continue! Keep going and remember to enjoy her x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Catrina says:

    It was so good to be able to read this. I’ve had exactly the same issues. My sons dad prioritises drugs, women & making money illegally over his son. He sees him every few months, in fact he doesn’t even call anymore. He was always very inconsistent & despite putting him at risk on occasions, the court fined me for having stopped contact between them. I tried to convince them of how damaging & unhealthy this is for my son. It puts so much more pressure on me too. In my opinion, you are completely right. But if you’re taken to court, unfortunately, you WILL be frowned upon, regardless of how shit of a father he is. Because the court system sees it as: if he’s on the birth certificate, he has a right to be in the child’s life. Simple.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s