I’m not here to slag off all social media, because, well, it does serve a good purpose, sometimes.
But when you become addicted to social media, like I did, it becomes a little bit of a problem and it affects your mental and, in my case, physical health too.
Not only has it affected my mind and my body, it’s most probably had an impact on my children; something I really beat myself up for now.
I can honestly say I’ve ignored my children’s needs many times because I’m caught up debating on a ‘Mum’s Page’ about somebody elses children and how they choose to parent – but who the fuck was I to even judge, when I’m ignoring mine?!
*Punches myself in the face*
To cut a long story short, I recently had, I guess, an epiphany. Yeah, fuck it, one of those.
It was almost like an out of body experience where I could see myself and my children; my children were playing and I wasn’t there to share the memories or even be involved and me being completely switched off from them.
Amongst that, I had other problems.
My laziness and ‘addiction’ was a large factor for my three stone weight gain – there’s only so much you can blame on ‘baby weight’ before it actually becomes a poor excuse for being a couch potato.
To add insult to injury, my anxiety was the worst it’s ever been and I wanted to hide away, for fear somebody would see me and judge me on my appearance; so much so, that I was on 150g of Sertraline a day and a nervous wreck.
Before I start babbling on… basically, I had a word and I bollocked myself for being so damn fucking selfish; to my children and to my own self.
Shit needed to change.
Deleting all of social media, that’s how.
I posted one last status on Facebook – a cringey farewell, I guess. Not that anybody would miss me… because they didn’t.
The First Day
It definitely felt odd to wake up and not check for any notifications from people that I don’t even know.
I watched CBeebies with the children and we sang along to songs together – somgs they knew but I had to learn. Songs I should have already known.
I watched the NEWS and listened to real life events and tragedies – there was absolutely nothing on there about someone not being paid their Tax Credits on time or their child’s father not giving a shit? Strange.
I also wrote a list of my weight loss goals and how I was going to achieve them.
The First Week
Fucking hell, I lost 4lb’s.
This really was possible.
I walked as much as I could, drank as much water as I could and I posted quotes around the house like a mad woman.
Anyway, I already had a ‘plan’ in place, so the weeks that followed were fairly easy.
As soon as I woke up, I’d make a coffee, make the children breakfast, wash up, iron uniforms, watch the NEWS, watch Cbeebies or Horrid fucking Henry… Then it was teeth and tidy up time.
Once my eldest was off to school, I’d clean relentlessly, then I’d put my youngest down for her nap, followed by drinking what felt like, a tonne of water.
Then, I’d spend a fair amount of my time weeing and obviously engaging in tedious (but very important) activities with my beautiful children.
The First Month
Well, I lost a total of 14lb’s and I logged back in to share my progress – I mean, who wouldn’t?
My success felt amazing.
People were asking how I did it and that I looked so good, but I wasn’t going to be sucked back in, so I quickly deactivated my account again.
Phew, that was a close one.
Not only had my body changed, my children had, too.
They were more tuned in to me, my son excelled in reading and writing, we laughed and we cuddled so much and his bad behaviour decreased; it was then that I really realised how bad social media was for me and I knew this was something I had to change forever.
This was all my fault. I was a failure.
My anxiety was fuelled by insecurity of how other women looked and fake relationships, the bullies and negativity of the media and articles being blown way out of proportion.
Since being away from that, I had more confidence and motivation than I’d ever had before.
I felt in control.
After Six Weeks
It took a lot of persuasion, but I decided to give Facebook another go, to see if it really did affect me or if it was all in my head.
Well, my diet crashed, I felt less motivated to exercise and I basically felt moody as shit; something that also affects my children.
I didn’t gain any weight, but I didn’t lose any either.
I was pissed off with myself, but I picked myself back up again and now it has to be forever.
All of those weeks that passed and guess what? Only one person asked to see how I was, even though my Messenger was still active.
All of those ‘likes’ on my selfie and only one has noticed I’m gone.
But guess what? I didn’t give a shit, because the people that really mattered were there in person and they’re the only people who give a shit about you and your life.
I’m no longer taking medication, I have motivation, concentration and best of all, I have memories with my children that only I can keep.
aka The Unicorn Mum x